Post by damasyn on Jan 9, 2012 13:55:57 GMT -5
I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.
WINTER BLONDE
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
It only went "Click!"
FROM ... "THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER"
Last Thursday Night Around midnight, A Woman From Houston , Texas Was Arrested, Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting A Man 6 Times In The Back As He Was Running Away With Her Purse.
The Following Monday Morning, The Woman Was Called In Front Of The
Arraignment Judge, Sworn In, And Asked To Explain Her Actions.
The Woman Replied, "I Was Standing At The Corner Bus Stop For About 15 Minutes, Waiting For The Bus To Take Me Home After Work..
I Am A Waitress At A Local Cafe.....
I Was There Alone, So I Had My Right Hand On My Pistol, That Was In My Purse, That Was Hung Over My Left Shoulder.
All Of A Sudden I Was Being Spun Around Hard To My Left.
As I Caught My Balance, I Saw A Man Running Away From Me With My Purse.
I Looked Down At My Right Hand And I Saw That My Fingers Were Wrapped Tightly
Around My Pistol.
The Next Thing I Remember Is Saying Out Loud, " No Way Punk! Your Not Stealing My
Pay Check And Tips."
I Raised My Right Hand, Pointed My Pistol At The Man Running Away From Me With My Purse, And Squeezed The Trigger Of My Pistol 6 Times!
When Asked By The Arraignment Judge, "Why Did You Shoot The Man 6 Times?
The Woman Replied Under Oath,
"Because, When I Pulled The Trigger The 7th Time, It Only Went Click."
The Woman Was Acquitted Of All Charges.
And She Was Back At Work, At The Cafe, The Next Day!
Now that's Gun Control.....
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.
WINTER BLONDE
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
It only went "Click!"
FROM ... "THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER"
Last Thursday Night Around midnight, A Woman From Houston , Texas Was Arrested, Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting A Man 6 Times In The Back As He Was Running Away With Her Purse.
The Following Monday Morning, The Woman Was Called In Front Of The
Arraignment Judge, Sworn In, And Asked To Explain Her Actions.
The Woman Replied, "I Was Standing At The Corner Bus Stop For About 15 Minutes, Waiting For The Bus To Take Me Home After Work..
I Am A Waitress At A Local Cafe.....
I Was There Alone, So I Had My Right Hand On My Pistol, That Was In My Purse, That Was Hung Over My Left Shoulder.
All Of A Sudden I Was Being Spun Around Hard To My Left.
As I Caught My Balance, I Saw A Man Running Away From Me With My Purse.
I Looked Down At My Right Hand And I Saw That My Fingers Were Wrapped Tightly
Around My Pistol.
The Next Thing I Remember Is Saying Out Loud, " No Way Punk! Your Not Stealing My
Pay Check And Tips."
I Raised My Right Hand, Pointed My Pistol At The Man Running Away From Me With My Purse, And Squeezed The Trigger Of My Pistol 6 Times!
When Asked By The Arraignment Judge, "Why Did You Shoot The Man 6 Times?
The Woman Replied Under Oath,
"Because, When I Pulled The Trigger The 7th Time, It Only Went Click."
The Woman Was Acquitted Of All Charges.
And She Was Back At Work, At The Cafe, The Next Day!
Now that's Gun Control.....